Something called, "Experience"

This is really quite a long entry. Written on the 6th of June, it was when I had the time to really sit down and think about how I can define - Depression. The purpose was so that people, friends who talk to depressed people really know how it feels like. It bothers me that some people think depression is merely a temporary state of mind, and how it's related to being lazy or lacking of will power to stop procrastinating.

No, it is not as simple as that. Do not underestimate depression. You might just miss them and be too late.

Depression cannot be understood simply because you know about sadness, or loneliness. Unpredictable and addictive, it is when one truly believes there’s this void in their heart, this separation from the reality that they live in and what they think has become of them - meaninglessness, non-existence.

As they drift apart, there’s this figure of darkness that slowly but surely enveloping them...swallowing them before they fall deeper and deeper. They will lose their sanity...for eternity that I do not know. But because the darkness shines no light, it is impenetrable, it is so difficult to reach them, as they are lost, and people who want to help them can’t find them.

It takes tremendous effort to climb out of this pit of darkness, and it is like it’s locked from inside. Perhaps it is by will, only if they really wish for it, can they reverse this curse, but really, they are lost and confused. Trapped, and their mind completely poisoned by the thought of artificial happiness from being protected by the darkness.

They have surrendered themselves, thinking that they are safe here but only to realize how lonely this place is. There is nobody else they will ever find again, in that place of darkness. And they mourn for their loss, they are sad because they can no longer feel the breeze in their hair, the touch of real people.

No, they have given in to the inner demons lurking in their hearts, waiting to feast on the self-manifested darkness that has been growing from within. Some try to call for help, but it only echoes in the darkness, seemingly hopeless and abandoned. People who are finding them might ignore it, thinking it was just their imagination, but it was really a SOS call.

They had not wanted to die; it was not part of the plan. But in this black picture of the mind, which has no direction, no desire, no life...they rather give it all up. It feels the same anyway; Then, they give up on the most important thing in life...life itself.

NEVER, EVER, Take depression lightly. Be supportive of them. Tell them that they can talk to you with whatever they feel. Keep talking but DO NOT dare or encourage them to do life-threatening things. When they think of "silly" things, distract them. Remind them of what they may still enjoy in life. Introduce new healthy things for them to do. Be there with them every step of the way. There is still hope and solution for them.

Find for the help that they need. Report to a counselor or refer to mental health professionals on what to do.


I wish you all the best. :)
shuttin'up wid luv,jozL.

So Hollow

the time is 12.59am.

i am very exhausted. the night before I was awake to take care of someone. the next day i was busy looking for something for someone dear to me going home tomorrow. I just came back from my cousin's bbq party in which i helped out again, serving people.

i am lying on my bed. preparing to sleep. thought i should check my mail, and then i saw it.

your email to me, the first in a long time. it read this song- James Blunt's Goodbye My Lover.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE&feature=av2e


i watched it, i heared it. every word speared my heart, i can feel your pain, what you're trying to tell me through this song. like every other song you've sent me before.

as i watched the video, they looked like us. so happy but so sad. and secretly, i wished...please don't say goodbye. i want to be selfish. don't say i don't mean anything anymore. i can't bear it. i don't know why.

You've seen me cry, you've seen me smile, you've watched me sleep...

but i am not the one for you. not now, not anymore. we can't hold hands anymore. we can't be them anymore.

this time it's really goodbye.

leave me hollow without you.

shuttin'up wid luv,jozL.

Obsess much.

hey peeps. just recently been hooked to someone. hehe. guess who?
MTV new vj hunt winner 2010. go figure! hint is at the bottom. ;)

This is to her... my fatal attraction.

What kind of attraction do I have towards you? Nothing too wrong. We’re the same. That is wrong.

I look at your pictures, and indefinitely i feel i need more of you. To see more of you, 3d images. How i wish they had a hologram of you. That will complete me. Seeing your features, i can’t stop looking at your face. Even as I’m typing here, I wanna reach into the screen and feel your hair, your beautiful face, oh so perfect. I’m hooked to the ‘older post’ icon, eagerly wanting to know more about you. Hopefully a page full of pictures. Then i see some funny pictures, poses, and i laugh, and i want to know you better again.

Sometimes you get that feeling, that you can’t get enough, yes, i can’t get enough of you.

I’m like a stalker, net stalker. I think it’s common nowadays.

You, your skinny legs, small arms and cute lips, you don’t need an effort to pout. I could close my eyes and paint your face in the mind, so many. Im obsessed about you. Haven’t closed your blog in a week, or maybe two.

Oh. Found you! On facebook...and the obsession continues.

..

shuttin'up wid luv,jozL.

what does ROSEVELT mean to you?

CAUTION! I know some of the lines here may sound weird and fishy, but don't get me wrong.

get me honest. here's to you guys...

"That spark. It’s hard to find, what i heard that night, i want to hear it every night. Your voice, the escalating beats of your drums, the sensual way you strum those strings, you feel almost like you can dive into a pool of notes.

You get high, you get lost, you feel fine, i feel fine. We dance for abit, everything becomes quiet and in just abit, you create life. The life of music.

You give birth to a new me, I can’t stop, you go faster, we climax and there’s this immense amount of satisfaction, craving, wanting, yearning, all you can ever have in the world is kept there.

When you sing, drum and strum.

You don’t want anything else in this world, you just want to stay here, close your eyes and listen to the hypnotic beats and voice that takes you deeper and deeper into nothingness of serenity.

You start to believe every word he sings, “i wanna lie here......”

the blast of the speakers breath life, the high vibrato makes you lose your mind.

Over and over again, my life begins and ends with you on that stage."

Dedicated to the band I am currently so in love with, as much as with you. roseveltband.com, check them out. :)

shuttin'up wid luv,jozL.

A Dark Enlightment

wow, it's been awhile since i've posted something. suddenly had a streak of inspiration gushing through me. wrote some stuff, some light some dark, but i think i'll post it over a week or so. but at the same time i'm tempted to post 3entries in a row. hahha. let's see.

this goes first.

Meaningful Death.

It all started with a bang.
Collisions of desires,
Of trust,
Of the very foundation in our core,
I knew of the danger,
In the depths of my heart,
It could not be prevented,
This catastrophe.

There’s only one thing to do,
To end it, to kill it,
Here and now, there’s no other way,
No backing out, take it all the way,
To shoot you is to shoot me,
The soul has left your body,
Taking mine along with it.


The angel of death awaited me,
Smiling and encouraging,
The devil took me in,
And gave me a shelter,
I saved you from hell,
In return for myself,
I loved you as you loved me.

A big change has come upon me. Good or bad, we'll see.

shuttin'up wid luv,jozL.